Sometimes we describe it as it needs to be for what we have done to seem reasonable.
This is easy to see in human relationships.
When someone has treated another person badly, the mind often needs to find an explanation that makes its own behaviour acceptable.
Then the other person may become difficult.
Unfair.
Unreliable.
Unstable.
Even dangerous.
That does not necessarily mean the description is wrong.
But it is not necessarily a neutral observation either.
It can be part of the story we need to tell ourselves to make our own behaviour add up.
The same happens in businesses
I often encounter a similar pattern when business owners describe their problems.
“I have literally tried everything.”
“There is nothing we can do.”
“The staff just do not want to.”
“The customers never pay on time.”
“There is no money in this industry.”
“We have always done it this way.”
When you start looking more closely, “everything” sometimes turns out to be remarkably little.
Perhaps one solution was tried twice.
Perhaps the price was changed but the working methods were not.
Perhaps the staff were told what should happen, but nobody followed up.
Perhaps the invoices are not being paid late. They are simply being issued too late.
Perhaps there is no shortage of projects. Perhaps nobody knows which projects are profitable.
This is not necessarily a lie.
Often it is simply the story that has grown around the problem.
“I have tried everything”
That sentence always makes me curious.
Not because I do not believe people.
But because it closes doors.
If I have truly tried everything, there is nothing left to examine.
Then the problem must be the market, the staff, the customer, the bank, the government or simply bad luck.
But if I replace the sentence with a question, something changes:
What have I actually tried?
For how long?
How did I know whether it worked?
What did I actually change?
What did I leave untouched?
And perhaps most importantly:
Which explanation of the problem do I need to be willing to let go of?
An account is not a fact
This applies to people and businesses alike.
When someone tells me about a person who is not in the room, I try to remember that I am not meeting that person.
I am hearing an account of them.
The same applies when an owner describes their business.
“Our problem is the staff.”
Perhaps.
But it could also be the management.
“The problem is cash flow.”
Perhaps.
But it could be pricing, collections, margins or projects that should never have been taken on.
The description of the problem is therefore not just the first step towards a solution.
It can itself be part of the problem.
The question I want to remember
The next time someone tells me with great certainty what is wrong with a person, a business or a situation, I want to pause for a moment.
Not to diminish their experience.
But to separate the experience from the explanation.
And ask:
Am I hearing a description of reality, or the story that needs to be true for everything else to make sense?
Perhaps it is right.
Perhaps not.
But it is usually worth examining.